the-simpsons

That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Human contact: the final frontier. Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever. * Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. You don’t win friends with salad. You don’t win friends with salad. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

  1. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
  2. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
  3. Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

  • And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
  • That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
  • We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? You don’t win friends with salad. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

Human contact: the final frontier. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.

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